A Party

By Sarah Cottee

He woke up, put his panda outfit on and walked to the party at about the same time he slouched into his usual seat at the bar. ‘I’ll only order one tonight’ he thought as he took the last swig of his 4th, or was it his 3rd, double whiskey. The barman kicked him out again and he woke up on his 26th birthday which he was sure was 2years away. He decided to celebrate it differently this year so went to the same pub and drank a number of double whiskeys. A woman was there who he might or might not have known so he said hello to her again and she smiled. She asked if she could try on his Panda outfit and he said ‘I’m sorry I quit that job a while ago and got a real job at a supermarket, kids parties just aren’t for me’ but she picked up the costume from his bedroom floor in any case and put it on while they had sex for 3 to 300 minutes. Continue reading…

Hi Panda

by J.C.

A panda sat in the plastic bench seat across from Damon. Pandas in popular imagination are playful, friendly, fun-loving cuddly rascals. Pandas on the subway are not. This panda was reading the newspaper. It sat slightly slouched, as if all the weight of the news were bearing down upon it.

The panda’s legs were open. It was a girl panda.

Stop after stop rolled past, as a muffled Chinese voice shouted out the stations through the loudspeaker. Damon wasn’t sure why the Panda was riding the subway. It was sitting there when he boarded. It – she – seemed very intent on the newspaper, not bothering to lift her head when a stop was announced. Well, everyone rode the subway to get somewhere, didn’t they? Continue reading…

Apandalypse Now

“I love the smell of bamboo in the morning!”

Somehow along the way this whole panda thing just turned dark; dark and mentally disturbing. I feel the need to include a disclaimer before continuing further:

“In no way does H.A.L. condone the actions of the pandas or people appearing as pandas in the following stories. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. We here at H.A.L. love pandas in a wholesome way and have never had carnal knowledge… to our recollection with a panda, nor have we ever had the desire to know a member of the panda family in the biblical sense. No Pandas were harmed in the making of these short stories.”

J.C. – Hi Panda

Boy meets panda. Boy gets sexually aroused by panda… It’s a story as old as time.

Willow Neilson- Pandas Unleashed

We all know Pandas are lazy, sex hating layabouts… But what if pandas got their groove back?

Sarah Cottee- A Party

Debilitating alcoholism, plushies, illegitimate children. Not sure what else I can say here… (uncomfortable silence)

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Stay tuned for our upcoming “Author Spotlights” and H.A.L’s smashing new event at Garden Books!

Pandemic Panda Diplomacy

The Guys and Gals at H.A.L. and Unshod Quills got together for some hot and heavy  unprotected word play and managed to birth a piebald bastard lovechild. That’s right folks we somehow got it into our heads to choose Pandas, those darling ambassadors of peace and cuddliness from the PRC for our GT topic.  Little did we know that our writer out of residence, Dena Rash Guzman had an unhealthy Panda fixation and  rallied her troops to put out some top notch poetry, prose and pics of China’s other national symbol. So get ready for H.A.L. and UQ’s version of Pandemic Panda Diplomacy! All this week we will be featuring work by writers and artists from the USA and China, all in the name of promoting friendship, cooperation and hot panda lovin’ between two countries that are secretly afraid of each other but will never admit it…talk about your proverbial panda in the room…

Love,

H.A.L. & UQ

Dena Rash Guzman- Dear Mei,

An earthquake, a panda, a kidnapping, unrequited love. What else is there to say?

Rosemary Douglas Lombard & Heidi Tornieri – Bodacious Bear

Ancient Chinese myth meets a modern dilemma facing our furry friends. What’s a panda to do?

Wendy Ellis – Plastic Pandas

Plastic or made out of fur, pandas kick ass. Go with it!

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Check Back on June 3oth, for Part 2 of our Pandemic Panda Diplomacy Series!

Plastic Pandas

by Wendy Ellis

they sell little plastic pandas at the zoo
in a deep, clear plastic container
and there are so many of them
they are practically free

they are nearly featureless,
like they were dipped first in white paint
and then in black
an indifference that rendered them weirdly identical
but smudged and unrecognizable

like their eyes were being slowly erased
their differences smeared away
like they were an idea of a panda
not even a good toy of a panda

there were so many plastic pandas,
the container was refilled by upending
a copper-stapled paperboard box into it
and if one fell to the floor, it was easily overlooked
and if one was stolen, it was barely noted

I stole one and slipped it
like a totem into my pocket, kept my hand over it
and strolled back into the zoo
later it went through the washer & dryer in the pocket of my jeans
and when I found it again, the paint was gone
no one would know it was meant to be a panda
and I wished I had taken more than one.

Dear Mei,

by Dena Rash Guzman

Dear Mei,

After decades of living apart I no longer can wait for you. There have been oceans and deserts, forests and swamps, homes and families, wars and commerce between us. Kilometers of longing rolled one after the other into a knot that finally tied my heart into bondage, and stopped it. Once I slept, warm, under the weight of our correspondence but now, my life is so full of it that I had to light a bonfire and turn it all to ash. Mei, many times you could have come to me, but every one of those time you went somewhere else. You did this and then in turn called me clingy and needy when I cried for your touch or the fragrant vibration of your lilting voice. Your freedom is the flight of a falcon and the fight of a revolution but I could have stopped it. I could have become a falconer or a diplomat and done my bit to make you mine.

Nor more than did you, did I. I know this. Now, Mei, there is something more you need to know. Continue reading…

Bodacious Bear

by Rosemary Douglas Lombard and Heidi Tornieri

photo by Rosemary Douglas Lombard

Bodacious bear, I see you are sad,
rubbing again the tears from your blackened eyes
as if mourning still for the four who died
in trying to save the life of a bear
from the savage teeth of a leopard.

Yes, he said, I see that you care. My fear is
no one can save us now—bamboozled this time
by hungry human dreams of land, its water and trees,
room for its roads, its pastures, cutting my sole source of life,
my shoots of bamboo.

I am a sad, bodacious bear.
Isn’t there anything you can do?

The Golden Boy

by Katrina Hamlin

Ocean Park Themepark, Hong Kong, 1993.

“Scallywag,” said Mummy.

“Scallywag!” said the Hong Kong Granny in Cantonese as the peppermint ice cream slid down her face. But she smiled, licking cream from her hairy chops.

She reached out to touch his hair again, still smiling, green cream gathering in the wrinkles around her eyes. “Little gold-hair boy! Such good luck.”

He had nothing left to throw, and this was stranger danger just like they told him at school. Why did she want to touch his hair? Why was Mummy on her side? Why was she angry with him? Why was the woman not repelled by the well-aimed ice cream?

Overwhelmed by Mummy’s injustice and seeing that the world didn’t make sense, he turned and ran.

“You Scallywag, come back,” screamed Mummy.

He felt a knot tightening in his stomach and knew he couldn’t ever ever go back. He ran faster.

The Hong Kong Granny at another Granny in her tour group. “Did you see the gold-hair boy? I touched the gold for luck, and now he is running.”

Continue reading…

Six Word Stories

by Danielle LeClerc

Cock fight at the marriage market.

Continue reading…

Where the Dragon Comes From

by Elodie Gao

Do you know where the dragon comes from?  It starts from the carp.  There was one carp called Hu. It was fed by the people in a nearby village.  Hu tried its best to return their kindness.  Hu came up with hard scales to protect the village, strong claws to fight against enemies, big eyes to foresee potential dangers, and the most powerful ability — to change the environment of the village so that people there could always enjoy a comfortable life.  Finally, Hu changed from a carp to a dragon.

Continue reading…